Many kids have difficulty when it is time to change activities, especially if it means leaving something they enjoy doing! And, when our kids become angry and frustrated, we adults can often do the same. It happens, life happens, and meltdowns happen. But, with a little pre-planning and some reflective listening and curiosity, we may be able to decrease the intensity, duration, and frequency of those upset moments.
Depending on the age and developmental level of your child you could try getting curious about their favorite activities, for instance, “What do you like best about playing video games (or going to the park, etc)? And, then validate their answer, “Oh, that makes sense, you get to hang out online with a lot of cool people and have fun!”
"…when our kids become angry and frustrated, we adults can often do the same. It happens, life happens, and meltdowns happen."
Before an activity that you anticipate being a challenge to leave and when your child is in a receptive mood, bring out a whiteboard or a piece of paper. Make a plan together about how much time feels right to both of you. Depending on age and reading ability you can write or draw simple pictures to indicate what will happen before, during, and after the activity. It can be helpful if the “after” activity is something the child likes, such as a snack. If your child needs to move around or take breaks when talking/making a plan, that is okay. Sometimes that helps with processing the information. Visual pictures help with processing and setting limits that are clear and concise for everyone.
"Depending on age and reading ability you can write or draw simple pictures to indicate what will happen before, during, and after the activity."
Use a visual timer app or an actual visual timer at the beginning to show the child how much time they are starting with and they can see the time elapsing. Draw their attention to the timer when there are 10 minutes and 5 minutes left. If they are playing on a tablet or video game, join them for the last few minutes and ask about what they did and help them get to a place to save the game or log off. Check out the resources below for more information:
Try empathy, validation, and visuals for previewing and planning together.
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